sunrise

There's much here this morning
and its much bolder than normal.
so much louder
so much so much so much

the gap was bridged and somehow i am now flying over the canyon gap like a track star that jumps over the hurdle and is captured mid air by the camera. its the glory moment. i'm maybe in the olympics? maybe i'm just a high school star?... its the same feeling where ever you are. the distance. the leap. its all the same. its just the feeling of flying over all obstacles with ease.

thats how i feel this morning.
smooooth sailing over this gap of land.

my music is really loud this morning
and its dancing music
its moving music
its 7:45 and i'm wide wide awake
ahahhahaha
hahahha
ahhahahahhahahaha

Suuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnnnrise
i'm here
i'm present
i'm so ready for this day.

amen.

delightfully dangerous

i am bombarded by media, with glossy pictures of life... but I forget not the delighting in more dangerous and gritty emotions.
yes, I thank the dark of the day when desperation and disillusionment are sometimes more real than anything else I can wrap my hands around.

there is purity in emotion.
purity in even the more vile emotions. for they are not so despicable after all.
they are an experience that passes through me like rain that soaks into the earth, sinks in, nourishes, and evaporates away again. the traces leave growth behind. the experience is but a memory. the pain is but a reminder of beauty of experiencing this life around me.

experiencing the REAL emotions is so exponentially more enjoyable than pseudo - feeling the pasted smiles or uncomfortable fake grins. I have had those before. I have been shown them before. and they don't delight me.

Lately I have been delighting in the dangerous. delighting in the reallllll layers of feeling. uumm I could lick it from my fingers like marmalade. it taste so good to partake of my humanity in this body. feeling all the emotions as they run the grid of my existence.
rising, falling, moving from one point to the other.
evolving emotion that transforms itself
transforms me.

present.
and also past. present. future.
complete
what was. and is. and is to come.
ummm just typing that fills me up whole.

there is no extreme. only one complete circle of experience.

i am so grateful.

more meaning

I am humbly writing this morning. trying to wrap my thoughts around the overwhelming feeling of purpose I have this morning. rising to the calling in me.

it was a wild night of dreaming.
i was walking thru everything that entices me, invigorates me and motivates me to live.
i woke up in the oddest position in bed and even felt sore to move. where all did I travel in my dreams last night! ahhaha

this morning i am so excited by living that I hardly know which way to turn first.
this, is a beautiful experience... such a contrast to the mornings one wakes and feels solemn about the day. purpose is here and it is wrapped in love. over and over, wrapped in circles with love. wrapping around me with love.

i am grateful.
i am so grateful.

my heart seems to be overwhelmed with gratitude so often.
so often i feel so much gratitude that I feel I will bust open from its intensity.

i am grateful for people. for the love people share with me.
i am grateful for hardship, for the lessons it unfolds in front of me.
i am grateful for unexplored territory, and the way that it has always called to me
beckoning me out of my small life and calling me into the great existence that God created for the children of the earth.

there is dancing in my this morning.
my body is still asleep, but within my soul there is dancing.

and no matter how the words express it, be it poetic, be it one language or another, one philosophy or another... it is all the same love... it is the same love in all of us that dances in our hearts and lifts us higher.

the fine work of doing nothing...

This morning I am getting no where fast.... at least on the surface.

I am drinking my coffee and my to do list is sitting beside me… in the same place it has been for three days… with nothing crossed off, and nothing considered.

i have been sleeping, sitting, reading, and looking...
thinking
just thinking about all the stuff in my head while... sleeping, sitting, reading, and looking!ahahah nothing time. its the process of doing nothing that does so much for me.

This might be the most productive “work” I have done all month.

I let go of the busi-ness. I let go of the shoulds…. and that’s when I find my core self inside all the big stuff around me.

The inside can morph and change and the outside world, even when its buzzing around, still can not keep up with the speed at which the soul can change. and thats how its been the last few days. internal shifting. reconfiguring. nothingness that changes everything.

ummm... feels so good to do nothing and be getting so much done in the process.

what a wonder

I wonder...
I wonder...
how does it sometimes go from so complicated to so simple.... so effortlessly.

these days the waves kinda wash right over me
and i'm just riding
laying back
and feeling the rocking under me

maybe i'm a new surfer girl??

maybe i'll cut my hair short and put a pink streak in the front
"oh a surfer phase" they'll say.
ahhhha


its a good thing
when your bath water can be the wave
I'll look up at my little stary sky ceiling and just pretend ....ha ha ha

what a wonder that I can ride the wave.

I did not know I would get here...

I am fascinated this evening by the never ending evolving of my life. its just beautiful the way it continues to suprise me with a deeper unfolding than I expected.

I am truly so grateful for this tonight.
I am grateful that when I imagined a warm bed to lay in at night... I did not realize it would be created with a feather mattress to boot!
ok silly me. silly example. but true still

this beautiful life, this often messy, beautiful life is more fantastic than I imagined. the wounds are healed more carefully and fully than I imagined. the walls are painted brighter and more lovely than I had imagined. its all much much more full of depth than I had planned.

...
and so my soul continues to be grateful.

clearing the path

Transition has been in my life the last few weeks. I have haulted busi-ness and been cleaning out my soul rooms. I started by cleaning out my house rooms. I cleared out the extra stuff. I sold all the stuff that no longer served me. I pulled and piled and organized. Then I stopped working... stopped moving. Stopped doing so much and I have been sitting around listening. sitting. napping. thinking. clearing. releasing. soul cleaning.
and now.... rearranging. readjusting. and renewing myself from the inside rooms to the outside garden.

This is my simple and sincerly satisfying work. this tending is my flow and it is the most beautiful daily gift of simplicity that life gives me.

Above this beauty I find the beauty of connecting with other sweet souls and sharing the beauty of life togehter...
but alone... this is the way my heart and body move through the world.

tiny steps

Often. very often.
I find that the tiny steps are the ones that really take me places.
the tiny steps all strung in a row are the steps that lead me into my life and down the path I am creating for me.

I have had some disappointing news today and it slowed me for a little while this morning. But I realize that I am not really upset. It doesn't feel like anything has really changed much by hearing this news. I still know who I am. I know what I am creating. & I'll just keep taking all these tiny little steps in the direction life is leading me.

There are things in my life that I would like to create that seem just barely out of my reach. I'm a reacher.. a dreamer... and a creator. so its a little frustrating. it is.

but its practice. practice in being present. being here. and living in the beautiful space and moment I have created for today. not tomorrow, but today.

future thinkers, future see-ers have a hard time being present. well, at least thats how it is for me. It is my gift to practice being HERE. NOW.

summer has hinted to being present in the wind today.
relaxation is here. now.
and i get to sit in it. right in the middle of it. if I can.

touch the moment

this morning was a morning when my heart woke heavy
and my body heavier still

i was skipping rope,
i tripped and fell
i scrapped my knee
and i got scared
the song got stuck
it skipped with me

and i just looked up at the sky
sitting on the asphalt
the center of a spinning world

the sky was dark
the wind was low
the world was moving
i stayed still

~~~

i am not especially right with my words but that is really ok
the morning is adjusting quickly
I know where to go when my heart is heavy
I know how to heal
I know how to bring the emotions up to the surface,kiss them and hold them and let them go...... ahhh releasing.
I know how to soothe the sad sad girl
pick her up and give her a new song

I am forever grateful for my sacred space, the room over the world, where I sit and look out at the sky.
that little room is always where my fingers touch the stars and the magic
and finding morning light in one hand and star dust in the other hand allows me to move again
to dance
and sing
and
live free
again

painting the moon

Every time I sit here I am new. the simple act of connecting to the space here, releases old and stale words from me... and juicy new life comes in. squeezed out of the fruit and fresh for me. juicy colors waiting to paint sweetness on me.

The cycles repeat and I love them. the inspirations revisit me time and time again, like sweet angels, with dancing feet and wings that carry them. the goodness is brought back to me. carried in ceremoniously with laughter.

Get ready little world around me. I am cleaning again... and that always means change is in the air. little piles of dust are gathering in my broom and new colors are dripping from my paintbrush
the walls change colors and my soul changes hues. again I am here. again I am grateful

thank you to the sun that carried me into this day
watch as I renew the world today
thank you to the moon that will hold me tonight when i fall asleep.
the paintbrush in my hand
will drip colors
on the moon
I will drift asleep
and wake to realize the moon has been
painted by me

open and close the door of vulnerability

Vulnerability is fascinating to me...
because it is my pleasure and my pain.

I am travelling through this life, walking through my days, expressing my soul each day as best I know how. feeling my life and being present. healing my little broken pieces and growing in every breath I take. enjoying myself. really enjoying my life.

I know a lot. but not as much as the universe.
I feel a lot, but not the same everyday. not every moment

I often tell people I have an open heart. some days the door on the front of me is open like the door to my house. You know I open up the door to my house... often I just open it and say to the busy street... "hello. you are invited here. the door is open neighborhood!" I shout it from my soul. and sometimes when I do this I laugh, because people have told me that is odd. ahhaha "so." (have you seen the SO letters I have on my mantel....thats what these letters are for... SO.... ) SO what if its odd. I like opening up the door. I like letting people in. I like having open house. And I like opening my heart and exploring the vulnerability.

But, yes... sometimes I get sad, or I get tired and I decide not to be so vulnerable, so open and so revealing for awhile. I put up some boundaries and rest in my room, under a cover, under a cloud of protection, with angels and guards around me. Sometimes these are the moments I need to heal, or to cry or to stop being so free. sometimes I just need to explore a lack of vulnerability.

but usually.. after these journeys into my extreme... I realize that my vulnerabilities are so beautiful and so incapable of being truly protected. only healed and made whole in the sunshine, in the air in the moments of truth and light.

ahhhhh (i take a very deep breath)
it feels wonderful in me
accepting the gift of vulnerability
bathing in the sunlight when I open the door.
knowing that being vulnerable
the right, balanced degree of vulnerable
sometimes completely open
sometimes with healthy boundaries

this vulnerablity
is being free




*** writing this was a chance to practice more vulnerability :) :)