open and close the door of vulnerability

Vulnerability is fascinating to me...
because it is my pleasure and my pain.

I am travelling through this life, walking through my days, expressing my soul each day as best I know how. feeling my life and being present. healing my little broken pieces and growing in every breath I take. enjoying myself. really enjoying my life.

I know a lot. but not as much as the universe.
I feel a lot, but not the same everyday. not every moment

I often tell people I have an open heart. some days the door on the front of me is open like the door to my house. You know I open up the door to my house... often I just open it and say to the busy street... "hello. you are invited here. the door is open neighborhood!" I shout it from my soul. and sometimes when I do this I laugh, because people have told me that is odd. ahhaha "so." (have you seen the SO letters I have on my mantel....thats what these letters are for... SO.... ) SO what if its odd. I like opening up the door. I like letting people in. I like having open house. And I like opening my heart and exploring the vulnerability.

But, yes... sometimes I get sad, or I get tired and I decide not to be so vulnerable, so open and so revealing for awhile. I put up some boundaries and rest in my room, under a cover, under a cloud of protection, with angels and guards around me. Sometimes these are the moments I need to heal, or to cry or to stop being so free. sometimes I just need to explore a lack of vulnerability.

but usually.. after these journeys into my extreme... I realize that my vulnerabilities are so beautiful and so incapable of being truly protected. only healed and made whole in the sunshine, in the air in the moments of truth and light.

ahhhhh (i take a very deep breath)
it feels wonderful in me
accepting the gift of vulnerability
bathing in the sunlight when I open the door.
knowing that being vulnerable
the right, balanced degree of vulnerable
sometimes completely open
sometimes with healthy boundaries

this vulnerablity
is being free




*** writing this was a chance to practice more vulnerability :) :)