Learning to Fly

The big girl here gets up every morning and faces the day with a positive attitude and confidence. I am here to assure the doubters, quell anger, and manage all the little trival details of a day. I am here to make things happen and I believe in my ability to do so.
But the litle girl inside of me is hesitant, afraid of failure, still scared of loud yelling voices and people who insist they are right. This little girl still feels nervous when she meets new people and has to make it through auditions of her worthiness in a new crowd. This little girl still wants to cry when things get overwhelming.
My birthday approaches and I reach my annual tradition of celebrating my life's journey. Its time to look at my life and decifer this year's mantra from the puzzle piece of my days behind and ahead. Still Growing. That's this year's Birthday mantra, I believe. I might be all grown up, but inside my human psyche there is still a heart and soul still growing wiser, more mature, and more aware of the complexities of life on planet earth. :)
I picked up a book off the bookshelf this morning that I read several years ago, right before I took the leap away from another familiar place and into total chaos, for the sake of a dream. Learning to Fly, by Sam Keen, is a sixy something year old man's memoir of making a lifelong dream of flying come true on a trapeze. He talked about feeling freedom. A freedom he had not experienced since childhood days spent roaming in the woods behind his house. I understood how this freedom felt... it feels like peace. It feels like being in the right place at the right time. It feels like being who you are really meant to be. I know when I feel this freedom, I often feel it here, when I am writing. I feel it when I am lost in an art project that is expressing my soul. This year I hope I spend more time flying, and less time worrying about falling. I hope I am still growing. I hope I am free.

Tuesday Morning

Ever since I started this "blog thing" I have waffled around it. My days are crazy, and filled with stories fit for writing. My nights are often sleepless, and ripe for midnight moments with these keys, but I still haven't written much. Its ok since no one is reading it. hahaahah Its just a place to be. In my head, a place to sit awhile with other people who are also sitting. ahaahha
I'm not creative in comparison to the young souls I feel coming in behind me. I'm just moving at my own speed. And this is my life, so why would there be anything else for me to be, but me.

This morning my coffee is too strong, so I only sip it and think about everything that is trying to be in the little world immediately surrounding me. There is nervousness in the air, as our lives teeter totter on the edge of selling this house and moving. What's next? Can we get where we are going from here, or is there a detour into unknown seasons?

Only the ticking of the clock will reveal the outcome of this season. Until then I have only to focus on this present moment and what my heart is telling me. I think I will be doing a little bit more writing. I hope some of it ends up here.

beach

I was dreaming of a visit to the beach the other day, and it reminded me to look back at my summer vacation pictures. I can hear the surf.